I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Randomize
