I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
