im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
