my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
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