Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
