i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
