She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
