you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
