ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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