I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
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