he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
