At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
