i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
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