I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
God, I missed his penis.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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