insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Randomize