It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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