Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize