"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
