in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
