eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
