Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
