Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
