She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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