She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
vagina is talking i cant
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
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