I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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