Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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