She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
