you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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