My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
