On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
