Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
