i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
