You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
