she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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