Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Randomize
