Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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