I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
