i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
