I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
