so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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