so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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