Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
