I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize