i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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