just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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