I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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