Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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