She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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