turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
