didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
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