We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Randomize
