i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
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