A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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