i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
