why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Randomize
