We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
