I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Randomize
