i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
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