Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize