Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
