Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
The Olympian is in my bed
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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