I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
