Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
This is my gift to your gina
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
