she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
