Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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