Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Randomize