Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize
