Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
