I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
We have so much sex to catch up on
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
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