when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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