Screwed.edu
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
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