There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
